I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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