Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
