Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
