The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
