i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
