She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
