you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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