Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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