I'm drive I can fine osifer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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