you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
