I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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