3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love black thongs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
