all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
