pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
