We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love you.
Bad choice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
