I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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