My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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