I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
