So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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