She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
