Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize