After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
