i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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