i permit you to call me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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