If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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