Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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