I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
