Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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