OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
