chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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