I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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