Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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