I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you will always have a special place in my vag
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
