She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
