My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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