The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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