dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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