Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
