she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
