YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
