got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
