Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
