At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So much rum. So many feels.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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