The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
