That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
