My underwear smells like fireworks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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