It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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