good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
