Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
