i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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