I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
