so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
