Porn is love you can see.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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