I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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