she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
