omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish my penis had a tongue
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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