I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
