Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
