Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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