last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
