how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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