I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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