Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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