Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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