My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
