I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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