he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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