this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
